Speed Eating Champ

While my wife was pregnant, I read a bunch of stuff about babies and how they work. A few articles said that newborn babies will sleep for up to EIGHTEEN HOURS A DAY.

Brilliant‘ I thought! I know that people always go on about how babies are such hard work, but it can’t be that tough if they’re only lucid for 6 hours a day.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

It turns out that babies ravenously consume your day and I feel like a silly sausage for even entertaining the idea that it may not be tough as everyone makes out.

During the schedule of burping, cleaning the worst poos I’ve ever seen, feeding and generally making sure that the house isn’t a baby deathtrap, there’s not a lot of time for Mum and Dad to eat.

Although baby’s needs come first, we still need to look after ourselves and have learned the skill of power-eating.

The only way I could eat faster is if I pushed my own hand down my throat and gently placed the food inside my stomach.

I’m sure that once baby settles down, we’ll be able to remember what it was like to enjoy food…but for now it’s a case of grabbing whatever is closest and ramming it down my oesophagus.

I’ve got a spare few seconds coming up. Time to see if I can beat my record of eating 2 slices of toast in 4.1 seconds 😉

PARENTING LESSON: Food is no longer something to enjoy at your own leisure.

One comment

  1. Solidarity from your speed eating friends across the pond! 👊🏼 There will even come a day you and Childs will have a meal in a restaurant without the baby. Imagine that! Hang in there!


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