It had to happen. It wasn’t a case of if it’d happen…it was a case of when it’d happen.
Just so you know, this post does use words like ‘bumhole’ and ‘poo.’ If that’s a problem, probably give this one a miss.
Going into parenting, my 2 biggest fears were changing nappies and quicksand. Quicksand has literally nothing to do with parenting…but it is quite scary.
For the first few days, my son’s poo was thick and viscous, looking like someone had smeared Marmite inside his nappy. We had to use a pressure washer and wire wool to get it off.
Then, on day 5 we had 2 incidents which have now scarred me for life.
Over the course of 5 days, we’ve absolutely nailed a system and can change a nappy in a few minutes.
Parents of older children will read that last sentence, sigh and say ‘…such amateurs’ under their breath…but we’re proud of ourselves dammit!
So, I’ll ready the nappy and wipes while my wife takes off his babygrow and old nappy. I’m then poised to dive in with some wipes, getting the glamorous job of wiping poo off a small ballbag. When I’ve used my wipe, my wife is straight in there with another, cleaning up any debris. Finally, I grab the new nappy. Between us, we fasten it, then go to town on the babygrow poppers.
If there’s a better method, please share…but it works for us!
Follow some reason we deviated from this plan on day 5 + I took the role of taking the old nappy.
After taking it off, I tucked it underneath him. It was then I saw his little bumhole pulsating.
I knew what was coming…but I was powerless to stop it.
As the hot jet of baby poo arced into the air, my wife (with the reflexes of a Ninja) flipped up the old nappy, creating a formidable barrier and catching the surprise poo.
I just got a tiny bit on my finger.
The same day, we went up for another change. This time we absolutely nailed the first part of the change. The nappy was off and we were using the wipes to get into every crevice.
Our mistake was ignoring the willy. While we were hard at work with the wipes, our little lad pissed with such ferocity, he hit himself in the face!
PARENTING LESSON: There is potential danger from every orifice.