Toughest Job in the World

There’s only one thing harder than raising a baby…and that’s naming a baby.

Here’s the story of how we came up with our little lad’s name. How did you come up with your babies name? Feel free to leave a comment or Tweet me.

So…it turns out that there are literally billions of potential names. Some names aren’t names at all and are just nouns.

Last year there were over 600,000 recorded births in the UK and over SIXTY FOUR THOUSAND different names.

We should be a bit more like Denmark. They have an approved list of 7,000 names which includes both boys and girls names.

Of those 7,000 names, they only really use Claus…so you could easily shorten their list.

When it came to choosing a name for our son, we had 3 criteria:

  1. We’d like it to be unique.
  2. We’d like it to mean something.
  3. We’d like to be able to shorten it.

We started off by thinking about family names, but didn’t fancy any of them. On my side they’re all a bit generic, such as Charles or John. On my wife’s side, there were some names which were…ummm…unique. My favourite was Hezekiah, meaning ‘Strength of the Lord.’ Bit too Bible-y for me. Plus, Hezekiah is a properly strong name. There’s no way a floppy baby could do that name justice.

There are also some names that just cannot call a baby. This includes Ian. Ian is NOT a babies name. Imagine meeting someone who called their baby Ian

You: Congratulations on your beautiful baby. What’s his name?

New Mum: Thank you. We called him Ian.


Ian is a divorced father of 2 who works in insurance and after work he wears and old pair of trackie bottoms with curry stains on the thigh.

We crossed Ian straight off the list. Along with Gary. And Geoff. And Graham.

Over the course of a few months, we both made lists then removed any names that the other hated, regardless of the reason. This left us with a MASTER LIST OF TOTALLY AMAZING BABY NAMES. There were probably about 3 names on the list.

All of the names fulfilled our criteria but we eventually settled on the 1 which we kept coming back to.

On October 20th, Turner James King was born.

Our little boy is named after Frank Turner, a singer who we’ve seen around 30 times since we’ve been together. Going to his shows and listening to his music has been a constant in our relationship.

We also discovered that in 2016, fewer than 3 babies were given the name Turner. That ticked the unique box pretty easily.

Although you can’t really shorten Turner, we’ve taken to calling him TJ.

So yeah…that’s how we did a baby name. Feel free to use my foolproof criteria for your baby name…but if you are thinking of naming your baby Turner, you can fuck right off.

PARENTING LESSON: Don’t call your baby Ian.

One comment

  1. We decided we were going to name our kids based on where they were conceived. Don’t worry, we aren’t going to end up with Denver, Paris, and Walmart Parking Lot. We stuck with it for our first born and ended up with Baxter Hamilton. Bet you never would have guessed. 😉 Can’t wait to tell him the story of how he got his name when he’s being a bratty teenager.

    Liked by 1 person

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